Faithful readers (along with anyone who has discussed advertising with me for more than five minutes) know how much the phrase “for all your (blank) needs,” drives me to distraction. See Branding AdVice October 13, 2004 and November 15, 2005 (read more). Call me naive, call me foolish, call me late for dinner, but I’ll pass along three more examples of "needful ads" on the outside chance that a few concerned radio advertising people will wake up and help me change radio ads for the better.
Since February 1st, I have been told to see (advertiser):
For all you STP® needs… (my head hurts)
For all your last minute alteration needs… (As in Janet Jackson?)
For all your home theater, audio and security needs…
This last example adds insult to injury. Here's an excerpt of the script:
“For all your home theater, audio and security needs we carry a great selection of home theater, audio and security systems.”
Imagine that. All this time I thought I should look into the Dewey Decimal System for all my home theater, audio and home security needs.
I'd rather fix the problem than the blame but since they haven’t hired me, here goes:
1. I blame the radio station’s salesperson for not getting enough information to write something that tells the listener something they don’t already know
2. I blame the radio station’s management for not training salespeople how to help clients say something worthwhile after they sell the schedule.
3. I blame the programming and production department. Someone should have said, "This sucks like a Hoover – rewrite it."
4. I blame the client (ignorance is no excuse) for allowing the station to run stupid ads on his behalf.
Physicians can be sued for malpractice, criminals can appeal on the basis of incompetent representation but there is little recourse for businesses who waste advertising dollars saying absolutely nothing.
How much are you spending on advertising? Is your message, powerful and persuasive? Would you like some help? firstname.lastname@example.org. Together we can slay a few giants and I promise not to yell.